Exactly how do we al our amorous interest and intent in each other? It's been trivialized, even demonized, but the coquettish behavior indulged in by men and women alike is actually a vital silent language exchanging critical-and startling-information about our general health and reproductive fitness. Her breasts were apocalyptic, they would topple empires before they withered She was unquestionably gorgeous.
She was lavish. She was a dark, unyielding largesse. She was, in short, too bloody much Those huge violet blue eyes Aeons passed, civilizations came and went while these cosmic headlights examined my flawed personality.
Every pockmark on my adult seeking flirt elizabeth became a crater of the moon. So Richard Burton described his first sight of a year-old Elizabeth Taylor. He didn't record what happened next, but a growing cadre of scientists would bet their lab coats and research budgets that sometime after that breath-catching, gut-gripping moment of instant mutual awareness, Liz tossed her hair, swayed her hips, arched her feet, giggled, gazed wide-eyed, flicked her tongue over her lips and extended that apocalyptic chest, and that Dick, for his part, arched his back, stretched his pecs, imperceptibly swayed his pelvis in a tame Elvis performance, swaggered, laughed loudly, tugged his tie and clasped the back of his neck, which had the thoroughly engaging effect of stiffening his stance and puffing adult seeking flirt elizabeth chest.
What eventually got these two strangers from across the fabled crowded room to each other's side was what does it for all of us-in a word, flirtationthe capacity to automatically turn our actions into sexual semaphores aling interest in the opposite sex as predictably and instinctively as peacocks tan their tails, codfish thrust their pelvic fins or mice twitch their noses and tilt their backs to draw in the object of their attention. Long trivialized and even demonized, flirtation is gaining new respectability thanks to a spate of provocative studies of animal and human behavior in many parts of the world.
Amazing free dating sites
The capacity of men and women to flirt and to be receptive to flirting turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our adult seeking flirt elizabeth. Every come-hither look sent and every sidelong glance received are mutually understood als of such transcendent history and beguiling sophistication that only now are they beginning to yield clues to the psychological and biological wisdom they encode.
This much is clear so far: flirting is nature's solution to the problem every creature faces in a world full of potential mates-how to choose the right one. We all need a partner who is not merely fertile but genetically different as well as healthy enough to promise viable offspring, provide some kind of help in the hard job of parenting and offer some social compatibility. Our animal and human ancestors needed a means of quickly and safely judging the value of potential mates without "going all the way" and risking pregnancy with every possible candidate they encountered.
Flirting achieved that end, offering a relatively risk-free set of als with which to sample the field, try out sexual wares and exchange vital information about candidates' general health and reproductive fitness. Gangestad, Ph. Simply announcing, 'I'm attracted to you, are you attracted to me? It is an axiom of science that traits and behaviors crucial to survival-such as anything to do with attraction and sex-require, and get, a lot of an animal's resources. All mammals and most animals including birds, fish, even fruit flies engage in complicated and energy-intensive plots and plans for attracting others to the business adult seeking flirt elizabeth sex.
That is, they flirt. From nature's standpoint, the goal of life is the survival of our DNA. Sex is the way most animals gain the flexibility to healthfully sort and mix their genes.
Getting sex, in turn, is wholly dependent on attracting attention and being attracted. And flirting is the way a person focuses the attention of a specific member of the opposite sex. If our ancestors hadn't done it well enough, we wouldn't be around to discuss it now.
A silent language of elaborate visual and other gestures, flirting is "spoken" by intellect-driven people as well as instinct-driven animals. The very universality of flirting, preserved through evolutionary history from insects to man, suggests that a flirting plan is wired into us, and that it has been embedded in our genes and in our brain's operating system the same way and for the same reasons that every other sexual trait has been-by trial and error, with conservation of what works best.
Like any other language, flirting may be deployed in ways subtle or coarse, adolescent or suave. Nevertheless, it has evolved just like pheasant spurs and lion manes: to advertise ourselves to the opposite sex. Flirtation first emerged as a subject of serious scrutiny a scant 30 years ago. Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt, now honorary director of the Ludwig-Bohzmann Institute for Urban Ethology in Vienna, was already familiar with the widespread adult seeking flirt elizabeth and prances of mate-seeking animals.
Then he discovered that people in dozens of cultures, from the South Sea islands to thc Far East, Western Europe, Africa and South America, similarly engage in a fairly fixed repertoire of gestures to test sexual availability and interest. Having devised a special camera that allowed him to point the lens in one direction while actually photographing in another, he "caught" couples on film during their flirtations, and discovered, adult seeking flirt elizabeth one thing, that women, from primitives who have no written language to those who read Cosmo and Marie Claireuse nonverbal als that are startlingly alike.
On Eibl-Eibesfeldt's screen flickered identical flirtation messages: a female smiling at a male, then arching her brows to make her eyes wide, quickly lowering her lids and, tucking her chin slightly down and coyly to the side, averting her gaze, followed within seconds, almost on cue, by putting her hands on or near her mouth and giggling.
There is much science illuminating the high art of flirting. the capacity of men and women to flirt turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches.
Regardless of language, socioeconomic status or religious upbringing, couples who continued flirting placed a palm up on the table or knees, reassuring the prospective partner of harmlessness. They shrugged their shoulders, ifying helplessness.
Women exaggeratedly extended their neck, a of vulnerability and submissiveness.
For Eibl-Eibesfeldt, these gestures represented primal behaviors driven by the old parts of our brain's evolutionary memory. A woman presenting her extended neck to a man she wants is not much different, his work suggested, than a gray female wolf's submissiveness to a dominant male she's after.
Since then, researchers have turned up the intensity, looking, for example, at compressed bouts of flirting and courtship in their natural habitat-hotel bars and cocktail lounges.
From observations at a Hyatt hotel cocktail lounge, researchers documented a set of als that whisks a just-met man and woman from barroom to bedroom. Her giggles and soft laughs were followed by hair twirling and head-tossing; he countered with body arching, leaning back in the chair and placing his arms behind head, not unlike a pigeon puffing his chest. If all went well, a couple would invariably progress from touching themselves to touching each other.
The first tentative contacts could be termed "lint-picking. Their he moved closer, their hands pressed out in front of them on the table, their fingers inches from each other's, playing with salt shakers or utensils. An "accidental" finger touch, then perhaps some digital "dirty dancing," more touching and leaning in cheek to cheek. adult seeking flirt elizabeth
By body language alone, the investigators could predict which pairs would ride up the elevators together. Social psychologist Timothy Perper, Ph. Like the ear wiggles, nose flicks and back arches that al "come hither" in rodents, the women smiled, gazed, swayed, giggled, licked their lips, and aided and abetted by the wearing of high heels, they swayed their backs, forcing their buttocks to tilt out and up and their chests to thrust forward.
The men arched, stretched, swiveled, and made grand gestures of whipping out lighters and lighting up cigarettes.
They'd point their chins in the air with a cigarette dangling in their mouth, then loop their arms in a wide arc to put the lighter away. Their swaggers, bursts of laughter and grandiose gestures were an urban pantomime of the prancing and preening indulged in by male baboons and gorillas in the wild.
Man or monkey, the als all said, "Look at me, trust me, I'm powerful, but I won't hurt you. All the silent swaying, leaning, smiling, bobbing and gazing eventually brought a pair into full frontal alignment. Face to face, they indulged in simultaneous touching of everything from eyeglasses to fingertips to crossed legs.
Says Perper, "This kind of sequence-attention, recognition, dancing, synchronization-is fundamental to courtship. From the Song of Songs until today, the sequence is the same: look, talk, adult seeking flirt elizabeth, kiss, do the deed.
The fact that flirting is a largely nonexplicit drama doesn't mean that important information isn't being delivered in those silent als.
Find hot woman seeking sex for free
By swaying her hips, or emphasizing them in a form-fitting dress, a flirtatious woman is riveting attention on her pelvis, suggesting its ample capacity for bearing. By arching her brows and exaggerating her gaze, her eyes appear large in her face, the way 's eyes do, advertisingalong with giggles, her youth and "submissiveness.
By coyly averting her gaze and playing "hard to get," she communicates her unwillingness to give sex to just anyone or to someone who will love her and leave her.
For his part, by extending a strong chin and jaw, expanding and showing off pectoral muscles and a hairy chest, flashing money, laughing loudly or resonantly, smiling, and doing all these things without accosting a woman, a man als his ability to protect offspring, his resources and the testosterone -driven vitality of his sperm as well as the tamer side of him that is willing to stick around, after the sex, for adult seeking flirt elizabeth. It's the behavioral equivalent of "I'll respect you in the morning.
We both flirted and we both knew it would lead nowhere. I'm happily married.
Each of us "turns on" not to mankind or womankind but to a particular member of the opposite sex. Certain stances, personal styles, gestures, intimations of emotional compatibility, perhaps even odors, automatically arouse our interest because they not only instantly advertise genetic fitness but they match the template of Desired Mate we all carry in our mind's eye. As with Dick and Liz, or any couple, the rational, thinking part of their brains got them to the place where girl met boy; they had the event on their calendars, planned what they would wear, arranged for transportation.
But in that first meeting, their capacity to react with their instinct and hearts, adult seeking flirt elizabeth their he, overrode their cognitive brains.
Otherwise, they might: not have had the nerve to look at each other. The rational brain is always on the lookout for dangers, for complexities, for reasons to act or not act.
If every time man and woman met they immediately considered all the possible risks adult seeking flirt elizabeth vulnerabilities they might face if they mated or had children, they'd run screaming from the room. It's no secret that the brain's emotionally loaded limbic system sometimes operates independently of the more rational neocortex, such as in the face of danger, when the fight-or-flight response is activated. Similarly, when the matter is sex-another situation on which survival depends-we also react without even a neural nod to the neocortex.
Instead, the flirtational operating system appears to kick in without conscious consent. If, at the moment they had met, Dick and Liz had stopped to consider all the possible outcomes of a relationship, they both would have been old before they got close enough to speak.
The moment of attraction, in fact, mimics a kind of brain damage.