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The question, "Can I date while going through a divorce?
By Lina GuillenAttorney. The simple answer should always be: "Not until your divorce is final. Divorcing clients are often lonely and stressed out, and they may be longing to meet someone new, feel desirable again, and just have fun, so many clients decide that only one date can't hurt.
If you are thinking about dating during divorce You may think that you are free to start a new relationship once the decision is made to separate or divorce.
The costs of dating during divorce
But it is wise to hold off on the dating scene until after your divorce is finalized for a of strategic, legal, and emotional reasons. Emotions are raw dating while divorcing a divorce. When you start seeing someone else, it is like rubbing salt into your husband's wounds. Believe me, he will likely react to the fact that you are dating by making your life hell during the divorce process. He may seek revenge to compensate for the anger, hurt, and embarrassment that he feels you have caused him.
Even if your husband has carried on numerous affairs during your marriage, he will not think that you are justified in seeing someone new at this time.
All he will focus on is that he has been wronged and will want to seek justice anyway he can. He may try to even the score by fighting about custody of the children or how dating while divorcing split the marital estate. If you have children, then you also need to realize that it's in your best interest to try to keep a cordial relationship with your husband. You will most likely have ongoing contact with your husband after the divorce because of the children.
Is it okay to date while in the midst of a divorce?
Dating during divorce can poison the spirit of cooperation and affect your life for a long time after the divorce is final and possibly after your boyfriend is history. As far as the courts are concerned, you are still legally married until the divorce is finalized. In states that recognize fault in a divorce case, dating during divorce can be viewed as adultery. This can affect the outcome of your divorce as far as spousal support and the eventual dating while divorcing settlement goes.
Even if you have been separated from your husband for a while, dating during your divorce can be used to help prove marital misconduct during your marriage. It can look like you have questionable morals, even if you were the dating while divorcing wife during your marriage. To dating while divorcing it off, a really vindictive husband might consider suing your boyfriend for alienation of affection. This will put your boyfriend smack-dab in the middle of your divorce, which is a quick way to put a damper on your new relationship.
You need to be especially careful if you have children from your marriage. Not only will both you and your husband's conduct be scrutinized during a custody case, but also so will be the conduct of your boyfriend. If he has a shady background, it will be used against you. Any person who has frequent contact with your children can become part of a custody investigation.
If your boyfriend has past issues of domestic violence or dating while divorcing of sexual misconduct proven or notit will have repercussions in your divorce. Another point that you should think about if you are considering living with your boyfriend is that it will affect the level of support you may eventually receive. Even if you ultimately get custody of your children, child support levels may be lowered because you are living with someone and sharing the expenses.
It can also have a big impact on whether or not you will receive alimony and how much you receive. This can even apply to temporary support order, because once again, you are sharing the expenses with someone else.
It would be a shame to forfeit your future support on a relationship that may not last. The bottom line is that if you date during your divorce, you are giving your husband a big advantage. Don't sacrifice your future on a new relationship. Wait until after the divorce is finalized before you start to date. When you are separated or going through a divorce, the attention that a boyfriend shows you can feel like a breath of fresh air and boost your self-esteem. While he may serve as a distraction and help you avoid some of the pain of your divorce, you will eventually need to dating while divorcing those emotions.
While it feels good to be needed and wanted, it's unlikely dating while divorcing you're emotionally ready to deal with a new relationship. You will still have to deal with all the issues that caused the breakup of your marriage and make peace with the fact that it's really over. A new relationship at this time is not going to be based on the real you. Imagine how differently you will act when you are not under extreme stress and when your life is more stable.
You need time to discover that you can make it on your own without a man to support you emotionally or financially.
Why you should wait to date
When you are going through a divorce, you're usually not in a mental state to make permanent choices. Studies have shown that the first relationship that a person enters into after a divorce has little chance of long-term survival and will rarely end in marriage. So what should you do if you believe that this new man is the one you should have married in the first place?
Make life easier on you and him both by postponing the dating while divorcing until the divorce is finalized.
If he truly is as special as you think, then he will be willing to wait. Once all the papers are ed, you can the relationship and see if it still feels the same. If it doesn't, you have saved both of you a lot of heartache.
7 things you need to know before dating while separated
What if you are determined to continue the relationship anyway? I would seriously recommend talking with your lawyer.
Your relationship might not have much bearing if you have had a long separation from your husband, don't live in a fault state, and your divorce is uncontested. Even then, follow your lawyer's suggestions and keep the relationship under wraps and out of the public eye.
Even though it may seem like your divorce is taking dating while divorcing, you owe it to yourself to not stir up the dust. Tracy Achen is the author of Divorce and publisher of WomansDivorce. Now that you understand that dating during divorce is not a good idea, what else should you take into consider during a separation or divorce? The following tips on what to expect can help you get prepared:. How Men Handle Divorce - What to do if things get ugly.
Preparing For A Divorce - Strategies for avoiding the pitfalls. Getting Through A Divorce - Taking care of the practical aspects of life. Pre-divorce Advice - Why it's important to create an exit plan. Get exclusive articles, tips, and resources.
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What to consider if you are thinking about doing your own divorce. These tips can help turn your marriage bling into money. Disclaimer - Legal information is not legal advice. All rights reserved.
Legal reasons not to date before divorce
Strategic reasons not to date before divorce Emotions are raw during a divorce. Legal reasons not to date before divorce As far as the courts are concerned, you are still legally married until the divorce is finalized. If you date, your boyfriend may be open to scrutiny To top it off, a really vindictive husband might consider suing your boyfriend for alienation of affection.
Living with someone can impact the level of support ordered Another point that you dating while divorcing think about if you are considering living with your boyfriend is that it will affect the level of support you may eventually receive. Emotional reasons not to date during divorce When you are separated or going through a divorce, the attention that a boyfriend shows you can feel like a breath of fresh air and boost your self-esteem.
What if he really is the one for you? Considering Dating During Divorce Anyway?
The following tips on what to expect can help you get prepared: How Men Handle Divorce - What to do if things get ugly. Stay Up to Date! Recent Articles Co-parenting Communication Tips for setting boundaries and reducing conflict. Transformation after Divorce This can be your opportunity for growth Uncontested Divorce Learn how to save time, money, and turmoil.