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Casual relationship w4m I feel like there are too many disparate aspects of my personality to find one guy who can satisfy the majority of them. I say the majority because you're never going to find someone who is all about everything about you, but I've been pretty sorely disappointed thus far.
In n out today at 11am w4m You said hi how are you? You had red sport glasses and were with three other gentlemen. I was with my son.
The trouble with sorry is that you have to change. What did you want this time? For me to shrug my shoulders again; to let your bullishness in my china shop again? While some say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting a different resultI believe that is the quintessential definition of stupidity. Insanity was the actions you manifested, the irrational thought that there is no cause and effect.
I was the stupid one for following a mad man. I see where you could see things differently, and I don't fault you for that. In fact I praise you for understanding what I could not, that past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and my behavior was to always forgive you. I am a firm believer in quantum physics, and while that was the norm and expected outcome I've thrown a wrench in it and changed the course of discourse. I might forgive you, in fact I think I already wives want sex amagansett, but forgiveness and acceptance are two different things.
If what you wanted was my forgiveness for your transgressions, you got it. And if that's what you sought than, let us both come to a mutual draw. However if what you wanted was for me to let you back in, well I simply could not do that. See that's the trouble with sorry, you have to accept the mere acceptance of it. Just because you're sorry does not mean that I will let you be sorry again.
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I have forgiven you, but I'm stubbornand hardheaded, so I have yet to forgive myself. I was the cause of my own malice, much like a mother is at fault for letting her child stick the fork in the socket as she watched.
I was well aware, and always knew the harm it had, and kept causing me, yet I kept ignoring it, and that's hard to forgive. That's the trouble with sorry you see, sometimes being truly sorry isn't enough to forgive, and that's why theres guilt. Guilt however is the sort of double edge sword you use only on a kamikaze mission, because guilt is the sort of thing that hurts you as much as the ones you hurt, because guilt is the sort of thing that stops you from doing those things again.
Guilt is the balance that keeps you in pain, but helps keep others from it. So here I am riddled with personal guilt, the guilt that is keeping me from hurting myself again.
Whether you feel guilty, or not is no longer my concern. I accept your apology and hope that as I say goodbye the world will bless you with a new hello, but unfortunately for us it is goodbye. While I appreciate it; a letter from hundreds of miles away is too little too late. I was short of an after thought to you for long, and its too late to always be on your mind.
You took me for granted, an old standby, a given, but now it's a given that I'm gone.
I'm sorry that it took you so long to see "what I meant to you". I'm sorry that you had to do all the ugly despicable things that I do not wish to discuss to me to ensure that I'd stick wives want sex amagansett think and thin. I'm sorry that I let you abuse my heart and pollute my thoughts, to prove to yourself that maybe I could possibly be worthy of a slight respect.
I'm sorry that you never cared to know me, nor bother to see that I was a real person, with real and honest feelings. But I'm not sorry I met you.
And I'm not sorry that I did fall for you. I'm not sorry that I had the distorted, delusion that maybe we could have shared a mutual, honest, caring love, nor am I sorry that I drove those same miles your letter crossed simply to be in your presents and embrace.
I'm not sorry that for a little while, I actually felt like you felt for me at least a little bit. I also am not sorry I left enraged, or about all that bullshit from before culminated into one ultimately, fantastiy, disrespectful, act of utter "fuck you, dumb bitch"!
I'm not sorry because I've learned now: that I'm stronger than I though, braver than I thought, and not wives want sex amagansett dumb you thought. I'm not sorry because I will never, ever, ever be treated that way, both because I wont let myself fall back there again, and because I not will allow it to be done to me. So I guess really the trouble with sorry is, sometimes you're not actually sorry.
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